So people, . . . it has been a long long LONG month and a half. Time moves very differently when you are faced with intense emotional "stuff". I have been feeling a few articles brewing in my head, especially since the BP oil spill (my god, don't get me started just yet!). I can tell I'm finding some sort of equilibrium amidst the hardship of dealing with the loss of my sweet mom. I just wanted to give an update.
For all those that are wondering, I am doing ok. It's amazing the amount of support and love that has been pouring out from friends and family. Thank you all. Losing my mom has definitely been one, if not THE, hardest thing I've had to face. I am just in the beginning of comprehending what life will be like without her. The shock has worn off. She is not here. I have moments where I just want to sit down and bawl. Then other moments where I relish in the beauty of life's cycles. I recognize that in my moments of pain, that this too shall pass, and that there is also beauty in feeling and accepting that pain. Life is beautiful. It's amazing how I really do feel my mom's essence all around me.
Serafin has been a little speed demon! In a good way of course. She is crawling all over the place, climbing steps, figuring out how to charm us all, as well as yell and scream to get what she wants. It has been a completely new phase and needless to say, I am EXHAUSTED! In fact, I don't think I have EVER been this tired. But we are getting through it one day at a time and when my little munchkin looks at me and smiles my heart warms and I forget how tired I am.
Once this month is over there will be less on my mind and also a little less to do--after my mom's memorial on May 30th. We are expecting somewhere between 150 and 200 people at the party. We don't really know actually. My mom had a lot of people that loved her. I am looking forward to seeing people that I haven't seen in ages. The food is all planned out. We are going to have some good wine and just have a lovely day. On a side note, of course I bought all biodegradable plates, cups and utensils! Gotta keep with the green! I also ordered 150 lavender saches to give away as a little gift in memory of her. She would have loved that.
Three weeks after my mom's memorial is Serafin's first birthday. It makes me feel so alive to really celebrate birth and death so close to each other. In fact, this lesson has showed me that birth and death, should, in fact, be celebrated every day! To truly live, we must be in the moment!
On the home front, despite the fact that this has been an exhausting time, we have been quite productive. Weeded the entire garden. Planted some Echinacea, sage, purple and orange plants. Cleaned out our hot tub. Got a new tattoo (in honor of my ma)! Cooked, cleaned, laundry, bla bla bla. One of these days I will get to writing a bit more, when I'm ready.
Love you all and that's all for now!
PS
I picked the picture above because I really loved being surrounded by all those flowers, they were in my mom's garden in Napa. I felt I wanted to share the love with you!
