Saturday, November 16, 2013

Omniscient Orcas 1: A Bump In The Road

One of my favorite photos by Gary, and of course it's a dragonfly, which, of course (again), is the symbol of transformation.


Friends, family, readers, all of you-- I have been wondering how I would begin my next blog post.  The other day, friend of mine had mentioned that she checked my blog to get some updates; alas, I have been MIA for a few months now.  Though I express myself through my writing, I haven't quite been sure where to pick things up.  I am, though,  finding the urge to write again-- new life adventures have been unfolding both happy and sad. 

My life has taken an unexpected turn.  Perhaps unexpected isn't the right word, this new life event has been approaching for a while, I've seen glimpses of it, imagined it, flirted with it--I guess I just never believed it would happen.  Denial?  Fear?  Hope that there might be another way.  What happened?  Well, . . . Gary and I separated after being together for 12 years.  I moved into another home on Orcas and am trying to find the space to heal and ground.  

It has been one of the most difficult decisions I've had to follow through with.  It has also been cathartic, enlightening, empowering, and grief ridden.  Our life under the same roof was becoming more and more difficult for me to tolerate.   I began to feel sad, depressed, frustrated, and uncomfortable.  I became scared to live my truths.  I began to lose myself and no matter how I tried, I felt confused and unsure of myself.  My thinking had became so distorted that I started to question my own intuition and break rules that I had set for myself.  Not good.  I felt the need for space and somehow found the courage to take it.  

I love Gary with all my heart.  Being apart from him is like having something torn out of me.  There is also relief and slowly, new seeds are growing and old wounds are healing.  Who knows what can happen.

Most importantly, I am finally taking care of myself and following my gut.  I have not regretted a single moment in my life.  Not a moment.  I love life fully and passionately and believe it has bumps along the road that help us learn and become who we are.  This is just another one of those bumps.  I have been amazed at my own strength as well as the collective love and support that I have felt from those around me.  Thank you.  I am truly blessed and have extreme gratitude for this amazing life and what it offers.  Love and so much light to all beings, each and every single one of you. 

Omniscient Orcas is the title of my new series of updates.  This place seems pull truth out of people--the nooks and crannies of one's being.  There is no hiding from anything here.  So begins the next adventure, . . .